Midlife Clarity and the Courage to Change
How sobriety, burnout and “fuck it” moments sparked a new life
No one quite tells you how front loaded starting a business can be. The ideas arrive like fireworks in the middle of the night - sparks of inspiration, bursts of energy, and the inevitable sleep deprivation that follows. Add parenting young children into the mix, and you quickly realise that even the most determined mind has a capacity limit.
Summer holidays? Forget it. Everything slows down, halts, and demands your full attention. Suddenly, it’s not about chasing your dream, it’s about showing up, snacks in hand, answering the hundredth question about screen time, and attempting to be fully present.
I recently had my first six week summer holiday juggling business setup, training, and client case studies, and had to admit that parenting had to come first. I tried. I really did. We bought a bell tent and set it up in the garden, thinking it would be a magical oasis of calm where I could “get on.” Three days later, my youngest hurled a tent peg through the canvas in a moment of mischievous curiosity and tore a gaping hole. A little comedic, a little tragic. But also deeply symbolic: life is fragile when we’re stretched thin.
That’s parenting in a nutshell. Funny, frustrating, and a little bit feral. The pressure of midlife (and why it’s not a crisis) Here’s the truth: midlife isn’t a crisis, it’s a phase. A messy, powerful, beautiful, confronting phase. You’re likely balancing ageing parents, growing children, demanding careers, stretched routines, hormonal shifts, and an underlying whisper of “Is this it?” Your nervous system feels frayed, your sleep disrupted, your dreams a mere distant thought. And unlike past generations, many of us don’t have the village anymore, the one that helped raise our kids, support our elders, and remind us who we are. Instead, it’s you. On your own. Doing all the things.
In the middle of all that noise, something subtle happens. A spark returns. Self belief resurfaces. Confidence whispers, “It’s never too late. You can do this.” And when that spark meets readiness, things shift. You launch the business. You walk away from the job. You quit drinking (hint: this probably comes first!). You finally commit to living in alignment with your values.
Sobriety as a catalyst for clarity
For me, that shift began almost two years ago when I stopped drinking. I was 41. My children were growing more independent. And somewhere deep inside, I felt the rising discomfort of a life that no longer fit. I didn’t want to just get by. I wanted clarity. Energy. Vitality. Truth.
The “fuck it” moment didn’t come from drama or destruction. It came from subtle, relentless discomfort. The realisation that wine was dulling not just my senses, but my soul. That I was drifting through evenings in a fog of exhaustion and a bottle of red, with no room for reflection.
Sobriety gave me something I didn’t know I was hungry for: space.
Space to feel. To hear my intuition. To realise that my job and the people I was surrounded by, was draining me. That some relationships weren’t reciprocal. That my nervous system was in constant fight or flight. That I didn’t want to “survive the week” anymore. I wanted to live.
Letting go of what no longer aligns
Had I still been drinking, I’m not sure I would’ve seen it all so clearly. I would likely still be pushing through the same toxic work culture, numbing out the stress with wine, trying to patch the cracks instead of rebuilding the foundations. Sobriety helped me return to myself. Not the polished, performance version, the real me. The one with values. With vision. With fire in her belly.
And yes, it also meant facing some truths. Like how much of my self worth had been wrapped up in overworking. How hard it was to rest without guilt. How many things I said yes to out of obligation instead of desire. How many years I had been supressed in an archaic system with outdated beliefs that people clung to. But that’s the gift of clarity. It doesn’t always arrive gently, but it always brings truth.
Finding yourself in the chaos
Midlife is the messy middle. It is full of contradiction: chaos and creativity, grief and growth, burnout and boldness. You are both breaking down and becoming. It’s not always about burning your whole life down and starting from scratch. Sometimes it’s about returning to yourself, breath by breath, choice by choice.
Through sobriety, I began to notice the small things again. Morning sun. Birds signing. The noise the leaves make in the wind. My kids’ laughter. I stopped racing through life and started listening. I began to honour my body. To slow down. To explore practices like breathwork and sound healing. To reclaim presence. Slowly, very slowly, my green started to switch back online; the rest and digest state that the body needs to be in to feel love and joy.
I also realised I wasn’t alone. So many women I work with are in this exact space, stretched thin, secretly craving change, feeling like they’re too much and not enough all at once. Their bodies are screaming for rest. Their souls are whispering, “There’s more for you than this.” But every day thinking it’s just too much to deal with so reach for the wine. Even after that morning promise of ‘I’m not drinking tonight’
The nervous system knows
I’ve come to believe that our nervous systems are our greatest compass. When we’re dysregulated, everything feels like a threat. Our thinking narrows. We go into survival mode. But when we feel safe, when we feel supported, we can open. We can reconnect with what brings us joy. We can imagine new ways of living. And that’s why nervous system work is at the heart of everything I now offer at Fire and Soul, from breathwork and sound baths, to coaching and sober support. It’s all about creating space for realignment, repair and growth.
You’re allowed to begin again
If you’re standing on the edge of change, know this:
You’re not too old.
You’re not too late.
You’re not selfish for wanting more
You are allowed to rewrite your story.
You are allowed to rest.
You are allowed to get clear.
You are allowed to say, “Fuck it, I’m doing things differently now.”
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Removing alcohol is rarely the final step. It’s often the first. When we stop numbing, we start feeling. You might grieve, rage, cry, and then suddenly find the answers you’ve been seeking rising to the surface. Clarity comes in the space where noise used to live.
Try this: Instead of asking “Why can’t I drink like others?”, ask “What do I truly need when I want to drink?”
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When you’re dysregulated, everything feels urgent or overwhelming. You snap. You numb. You run. But when you begin to regulate, through breathwork, rest, and nervous system repair, the fog clears. Decisions feel easier. Life feels less like a fight.
Explore: Breathwork for nervous system healing or sound therapy to gently guide your body back to safety.
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Burnout is your body’s way of saying “I can’t keep living like this.” It’s not your failure, it’s your turning point. Instead of pushing through, try pausing. Instead of self-judgment, try self-inquiry.
Ask yourself: What’s draining me right now? What can I let go of, even temporarily?
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When everything feels shaky, your values bring you home. They help you say no without guilt. Yes without confusion. They guide your relationships, your work, your habits, and how you treat yourself.
Inside Fire & Soul Coaching we map your core values and create rituals around them, so your daily life actually aligns with what matters most.
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Change doesn’t need to be perfect. You don’t need a 10-step plan. You just need a whisper of self-belief and a safe place to begin again. Sometimes the most radical act is doing one small thing differently, today.
Try this: Breathe slowly for 3 minutes. Place your hand on your heart. Remind yourself: “I’m allowed to rest. I’m allowed to begin again.”
